It's OK to not be OK.
I've been dealing with something; probably fear. Probably anxiety. I really don't know what to call it. Other than insomnia. I just know I'm not totally OK.
This kid introduced me to a love I never knew existed so, when I hold or look at him I worry about my ability to expand on that love. Can I hold that space in my heart for another child?
I worry about giving more of myself when I already feel like I'm giving so much. I worry about giving up more time; me time, workout time, work time. I worry that I'm not maternal enough, nurturing enough, or tender enough to have two. And lord, do worry about being patient enough. I like order. I like clean. I thrive in an organized, routine environment.
I worry about being OK. I think I will be. I usually am. I'm pretty damn tough.
So this morning I got on my mat. I flipped upside down. I took some deep breaths and I let myself be OK with not being totally OK.
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